I used to think that I was kind of invincible, not the run into danger kind, but the overall belief that nothing really bad could ever happen to me. When I would hear or find out about other people going through things, I would think, "that kind of thing happens to other people, not me". I am generally healthy, I have had easy pregnancies and deliveries, and things have always had a way of working out. So I have never really worried about anything bad happening to me, until lately.
Suddenly things are different, I have a child with a chromosomal disorder so rare that there are only 8 born in this country a year. Suddenly the idea that rare things can happen to me is a reality. Suddenly I have found myself worrying about things that I would have never thought about a year ago.
Today Ella went to the zoo on a field trip with her class, as I packed her into her teacher's car and waved goodbye, I couldn't help but feel anxious. The whole morning there was a gnawing feeling that something bad could happen. What if she got in a car accident? What if the lions broke out of their cages and charged the kids (okay, I didn't really think this, but sometimes it does feel this silly)?
I hope I won't always feel this sense of anxiety when it comes to my kids and family, and I know that at some level it is normal, but worrying every time the kids get in to someone else's car? I will surely drive myself crazy. So I can only hope that this is just a phase, a stage that I will pass through, and eventually leave behind.