The bargaining stage is probably the stage that I spent the least amount of time in. There was about a 4-6 week period where we were waiting to get the official answer on Lily's diagnosis and during this time I prayed. I prayed day and night, I begged and I pleaded that Lily would not have this chromosomal disorder. I promised to do anything if only Lily would be okay. The first time I read my scriptures during this period, I read the scripture, "Father if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not My will, but Yours be done". Luke 22:42.
From the time I read that scripture, somewhere inside I knew that I had little say in what was going to happen with Lily, but it didn't keep me from hoping, from begging for a different outcome. If I thought there was anything that I could do to change the results, I would have gladly done it.
I remember seeing Michael Douglas on the cover of People magazine talking about having cancer and my mom mentioned how sad that was. I responded to that by saying that I would take me having cancer over Lily having CDC any day of the week. Of course looking back, I realize that may have been a little rash, but at the time I would have made that deal, if I could have.
Once we received the tests results most of my attempts at bargaining ended, but even now there are days that I still think to myself, I would have done anything to have a healthy baby.