One Year Ago: The Final Sonogram

One year ago I was at my last sonogram, technically my doctor was just being kind and letting me take another peak at the baby since our 20 week sonogram was not very clear and we were never able to get a clear picture of what our little baby actually looked like. We took another look and my doctor really tried to get little peanut to cooperate, but it was no use, she was hiding her little face. So although we knew she would be a girl, that was about all we could really see. I wasn't worried, but I was a little bummed that I wouldn't have that cute profile shot to add to the baby book.

I remember asking my doctor about a certain test that they do during the actual sonogram (they take a sample of your blood and look for fluid on the neck of the baby during the sonogram). I had one done with both Ella and Hunter, but so far I hadn't had one with this new doctor. He told me that it was pretty expensive and that he doesn't automatically offer it because most women don't want to pay the extra money. He also told me that this certain test checks for birth defects and really only aids in helping the woman decide if she wants to keep the pregnancy. I hadn't realized that this was the main purpose for doing this test and I immediately said that it wouldn't matter because I wouldn't have an abortion if I found out the baby had a birth defect.

This was a moment that I remember very clearly and it comes to my mind as a tender mercy. To know that no matter what, I wouldn't have changed the outcome, to have complete clarity in those times of heartache and mourning, that I could not have done anything different and that I would not have done anything different even if I did have the choice.