Lily Is Sitting Up

I am so excited to announce that Lily is sitting up all on her own. She can get to a sitting position by herself and she can sit now without having to prop herself on her arm. I am so happy for her and it is just such joy to watch her meet these milestones. She has been officially sitting up since August 21, 2011 (for my own records) which makes her 13 1/2 months old.

I love this little girl so much and it is just so rewarding to see her make such great progress. Not only is she sitting up but she is getting much better at crawling hand-over-hand and she can get to a kneeling position, on her own or using furniture. She is also doing so great with all of her eating too. She likes grilled cheese sandwiches, pancakes, melon, and toast. She dislikes eggs and noodles.

I wish I could get a better picture of her sitting up, but every time I bend down to take a picture she laughs with glee and starts to crawl towards me. So this is the best picture I could get!

Recipe 25: Fresh Cream Butter

Ingredients:

Heavy whipping cream

Salt

I found the recipe at The Hungry Mouse. There are great pictures and step by step instructions there. But it is so easy and so worth it!

I have always really wanted to try making my own butter, so I decided to give it a try with some heavy cream that I had leftover. It is really easy and tasted so much better than the store bought kind. I don't know if it really turns out to be much cheaper than store butter, but it is kind of nice knowing exactly what is in it and it is just nice that it is so fresh.

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Recipe 24: Lemon-Blueberry-Cottage Cheese Pancakes

Ingredients:

• 1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup sugar
• 2 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup milk
• 1 cup fat-free cottage cheese
• 3 tablespoons butter, melted
• 2 large egg yolks
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• zest from one lemon
• 2 large egg whites
• 3/4 cup blueberries

Directions:

1. Generously spray a NONSTICK pan with cooking spray (these suckers like to stick) and preheat it over medium heat.
2. Whisk flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together in a large bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk together the milk, cottage cheese, butter, egg yolks, lemon zest, and vanilla.
3. Pour the wet ingredients over the dry ingredients and gently whisk them together, mixing just until combined. Stir in blueberries.
4. Beat the two egg whites until they are stiff but not dry and fold them into the batter.
5. Spoon 1/3 cup batter onto the griddle for each pancake. Cook until the top of each pancake is starting to dry around the edges – you will get a few bubbles here and there – then turn and cook until the underside is lightly browned.

These are best served immediately, when they are at their lightest and puffiest, and still a bit crispy on the outside from the melted cottage cheese. I found that the were sweet enough to not even need syrup on top.

I found this recipe at A Little Nosh and it is a total keeper. I was skeptical about putting cottage cheese in pancakes, but you cannot taste it at all and they are the thickest, fluffiest pancakes I have ever seen. These are a little more complicated than your typical recipe, but they are perfect for a nice brunch or special event. I thought they were pretty easy and I had most of the ingredients so it wasn't too expensive, although if I didn't have lemons and cottage cheese on hand, I would have had to spend a little more. The kids thought these were just okay and they knew something was different, but I really think I will try these again without lemon just to see if they are still fluffy without any different flavoring. I also think that these are pretty healthy, especially with some added protein.

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First Day of School

Ella had her first day of school and it was so exciting! She woke up really happy, but also a little nervous too. She was all set to wear a certain outfit, but when she put it on she decided that it just wasn't right for her first day. After a couple of outfit changes I decided I needed to leave the room and let her and my mom work it out. Anyway she came out with this cute little number and I thought it was perfect for a very hot first day! I think later it was clear that her frustration had more to do with her own nerves than about the clothes she was wearing, but at least she got all of that angst out before we had to go to school.

After a morning of outfit changes and eggs on toast (Ella's choice for her breakfast) we headed to school. Ella did great when we dropped her off, she was a real trooper even though I knew inside she was anxious. It was pretty hard to leave her, I knew she would be fine, but I just wanted to stay with her a little longer (don't worry I didn't)!

After school she was just beaming from ear to ear and she said she loved school! She loved everything about it and she couldn't wait for the next day. I was so happy that it was such a great experience for her and I hope that every day will be the best day ever.

We all celebrated her special day at the local pizza place and as we were leaving she said that tomorrow was going to be very special day... because it was the second day of school!

One Year ago: The Phone Call

One year ago we we were impatiently awaiting a phone call from Children's Primary. It had been 3 long weeks since we first learned that Lily might have a chromosomal disorder and only a week since we took her to the geneticist. The waiting was torture, the doctors appointment was torture and the whole month of August was just plain misery.

For the three weeks that we were waiting I obsessed over everything. I wondered if her weight was really that low, I wondered if her head was really that small. I measured her head at least 3 or 4 times just to see if it was growing. I convinced myself up and down that she didn't have it, and when I would finally get there, something would throw me back to square one. Her high palate must be a sign, or the fact that she wouldn't use a pacifier. Her cry was one of the most painful reminders that something was wrong. The cry that I thought was so cute, turned out to be symbolic of all of our stress. I truly believed that if her cry could just get stronger, then all of this would go away (how naive of me). My emotions were up and down and as much as I wanted an answer, I didn't want to hear the wrong answer. So there was hope living in this in between, but I knew eventually we would have to make this come to an end.

We took Lily to see the geneticist and any hope I had in feeling better after we walked out quickly vanished. The doctors were kind and so gentle with Lily, but at the end of a 2 hour question and answer period, they simply told us they just couldn't be sure without a blood test... isn't that what my own doctor told me? So even though we answered every question someone could possibly ask, and we watched as they measured and noted every small detail about Lily, we ended up walking out of there with no idea what was going to happen.

A few weeks later we got the phone call. The phone call that changed everything for the rest of our lives. I immediately started crying and didn't stop for the better part of the day. I crawled into bed and tried to disappear. I wanted this to be over, I wanted the pain to go away, and I wanted a different outcome.

It would be some time before I worked through all of the stages of grief, and there were weeks of pain and tears, but this particular day was the worst day of my life.

The Wonder Years: Back to School 3rd Grade

Getting Ella ready to start school has brought back some great childhood memories of my own. The other day we cleaned out her closet and hung up all of her new clothes and I couldn't help but remember my own back to school memories. I remember my mom taking us to the L.A. shopping mart where we loaded up on clothes as if we were starting our own boutique. I remember my mom telling me that we needed to pick out my shoes first and then plan the outfits around the shoes, I also remember coming home and laying out all of my new outfits all over my bedroom so that I could show off my new wardrobe. I loved getting ready for back to school, I loved getting my hair permed (yes that is a perm), and I loved packing up my book back for the first day.

This picture is of my best friend and me starting our first day of third grade. That is one of the outfits we got at the mart and it had matching gold slip on shoes, and hair scrunchie (you can thank the 80's for that outfit). I loved all of my matching clothes even though they were all totally impractical for any eight year old, playing in an outfit like this one was almost impossible. But it was one of my favorite memories and I hope Ella will look back at her own back to school memories with the same fondness.

A Special Connection

I have to admit, I don't know very much about my ancestors. My family has already done all of our genealogy on both sides and although I know it is important, I haven't really felt a passion for it. But this last week I have had really neat experience and I suddenly feel a kinship to a great grandmother that I never knew.

I won't go into all of the details about my experience, but basically I had a dream about this great grandmother a while back. In this dream I felt as though she was comforting me and had compassion for what I was going through. I didn't think too much about it, but in this last week I have learned more about who she was and the connection that I feel to her. I learned that my great grandmother had four children. One girl who died the same day she was born, another girl who died three weeks after she was born, a son who drowned before he was twenty-one, and another boy who was my grandfather.

This woman lost three children before any of them really reach adulthood. I can not even imagine the pain that she must have experienced. Even though I don't know her, I admire her so much and find strength in knowing that she is part of who I am.

I truly believe that my great grandmother is watching over my life and that while what she went through is so much worse than what I have gone through, I know she still has compassion and empathy for me. I also feel as though I know her a little better now, even though I never got to meet her.

I love These Friends

This last weekend I got to spend some much needed quality time with some of my favorite people, and I got to catch up with my best friends and roommates from college. It has been over ten years since we first met and were living together, but when we get together now, it is like no time has really passed. When I am with these friends I feel like I am still twenty years old and we all laugh like like its another late night in college. We have been really lucky that we have been able to get together almost every year, and we are even luckier that we all have kids within the same age range. Throughout all of these years, we have been together through the ups and downs and the thick and thin. It is truly a gift to have friends that you can laugh hysterically with one minute, and cry the next.

This year we met up at Nicole's lake house. It was absolutely beautiful and the kids had a blast playing in the water, swimming, eating ice cream, and running around. Lily loved the little kiddie pool and splashed around with such glee, it was great to watch.

It was such a great weekend, and I loved playing at the lake, but honestly the best part was telling stories and reminiscing about the good old days and laughing until there were tears streaming down my face. Also one important thing I learned on this trip is that I am the only one who actually remembers anything from our college days, so it is important that I start writing down our stories and quickly!

One Year ago: Things Unravel

One year ago Lily was one month old and it was time to take her in for a check up. It was a beautiful warm summer day and everything was perfect. I still remember thinking that morning how wonderful everything was. The older kids were out playing on the trampoline, Lily was sleeping in her swing, and I was folding laundry in the kitchen. It was exactly how I imagined having three kids would be. I also remember thinking that I was finally there. I was finally at that place that I had always envisioned for myself. A house full of kids, laundry folded on the dryer, and a blissfully happy family life. Things would soon unravel...

Later that afternoon I strapped Lily into her stroller and walked to our doctors office (I would later regret this). Everything was going as usual during the visit. Lily was gaining weight, the nurse said she was looking great, and all seemed normal. Then the doctor came in and asked lots of questions about how Lily was doing and if I noticed anything unusual. My response was of course no. Everything seemed on track except her breathing was a little labored at times.

I guess this is when the doctor saw his opportunity because he immediately started talking about a condition called "blah blah blah" (at the time I could not remember what he called it). He told me that this condition affected the vocal chords and that might be why her cry sounded the way it did. As he was saying this, I diligently took in this information thinking that she might need a surgery on her vocal chords when she got older? No big deal, she would probably out grow it anyway. Then he went on to say that this condition also caused severe physical and mental delays as well. Then I thought, "she doesn't have this". Things started to just go down hill from there. I can't remember what was said in our conversation, but I do remember that the doctor left the room and left me in a complete panic. As I held Lily and looked at her, suddenly she changed. Suddenly she seemed different, suddenly she looked different. When I looked at her face I didn't see my child anymore, I saw a baby that had something wrong. I wanted to flee, I wanted to get out of there, I wanted Mike to be there with me. I wanted to go back to the life I had earlier that morning, more then anything I wanted this to go away!

The appointment ended with the doctor telling me that we would have to take Lily to the children's hospital and get a blood test done. He also told me that we couldn't know if Lily had this condition without a test and there was nothing else we could do but wait. I practically ran out of that office and proceeded to walk home... sobbing (see why I regret walking). I walked into our house still in tears and Mike was immediately freaked out. As I struggled to tell him what happened, he began googling things like cat cry (because I could not remember what it was called). He soon found something on Cri du Chat and the news only got worse. We read things like "severe mental retardation" and "short life span". I felt like I was in a nightmare and I couldn't believe this was happening.

Mike and I made phone calls to our family, I cried some more, and then we tried to act as normal as possible. We didn't have any answers yet, maybe this was a mistake? Maybe her cry and her size could be contributed to something else? I still had hope, I could still believe that this would go away.

We ended up having to wait a few weeks to even get an appointment at the hospital and this waiting period was torture...

The Wonder Years: Coolest Experience Ever

My friend posted this picture on Facebook and I couldn't help but reminisce about one of the coolest experiences of my life.

When I was twenty years old I got to travel abroad for one month with my best roomie (middle). Our school had a program that you could go on and earn credits towards your degree. It was a huge group of about thirty students and four teachers. We went to seven different countries and we had the absolute time of our life. We went to England, France, Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, Italy, and Greece. Not only did I get to see things like the Mona Lisa, and ancient ruins, but I learned so much. Our entire tour was guided by teachers who had spent their lives teaching students on this tour. I feel so lucky that I was able see Europe in this way and I gained a new appreciation for European history. Although towards the end we were pretty sick of having those earphones stuck in our ear so we could hear our teachers talk. And I have to laugh when I look back at all of those pictures and see these cords dangling from our ears.

Some of my favorite memories are the really random things that made our trip so unique. When we were in Paris my friend and I got totally ripped off by someone on the street. He offered to to cut our silhouettes out of paper. We thought it was so cool, but when we got back to the hotel and converted the Francs into dollars we realized that we paid about $20 for these little treasures. Still, this is one of my favorite souvenirs because of the story that goes along with it.

I also loved eating all of the amazing food from each country and never got tired of the local cuisine. I got to eat about twelve gallons of Gelato and dozens of Nutella crepes. There were greek salads, gyros, pasta, and every other delicious food you could think of. Not to mention Magnum ice cream bars at every corner. It was a foodie's paradise!

One of the highlights of this trip was meeting someone new. Melissa (right) has become one of my great friends and we still keep in touch. We have the best memories because our friendship started in the best place ever. We are all forever bonded by this unique experience that no one else had with us. These two friends are the only ones who will truly appreciate these memories, and this will forever keep us intertwined.

This trip was over ten years ago, but it was still one of the coolest experiences ever.

One Year Ago: Hushed Whispers

One year ago I was enjoying everything about my newborn baby. I spent my days cuddling and rocking her, taking naps, and photographing every little finger and toe of my precious little baby. Yet I couldn't help but sense that there were family members who may have had concerns. One night as I was walking down the stairs I heard my parents whispering about how something could be wrong. It wasn't clear what I had heard, but I felt a sense of panic wash over me. A few days later a cousin made a comment that Lily had a really good rooting reflex, which was a good sign. A good sign of what? These hushed whispers and comments really didn't mean anything at the time, but later I would look back and realize that everyone had a feeling that I was completely oblivious to. Later I would learn that my dad had googled "cat cry" in newborn's because he thought it was so strange. My cousin who is a nurse anesthetist had remembered learning about CdC and having it cross his mind when he heard Lily cry. Even my aunt who works with special needs kids said that it was a red flag when she heard us describe Lily's cry as "cat like".

Apparently I was the only one walking around completely unaware that my perfect newborn may not be perfect.

At first when I learned about everyone's suspicions I felt frustrated that I was the only one completely unaware of what was going on. But later I would be grateful for that month of bliss, for that thirty days of complete oblivion, before our whole world would be turned upside down.

He's a Big Boy Now!

What has two thumbs and uses a potty?

This Guy!

Thats right. This boy is officially potty trained! We started about two weeks ago and with in a few days he was pretty much there, he had one or two accidents a day, but that was it. Then within the last week he has had no accidents! Hooray for us! This was much easier than I had expected and I am so glad that he was ready. The one thing I have learned when it comes to potty training is that not only does the child have to be ready, but so does mom.

I will admit at first I wanted to just put him back in diapers. I think changing diapers is way easier than cleaning up messes, and toilets, and floors, and so on. But my sister was there with me and she encouraged me to keep him in underpants even if he was having accidents. I knew she was right, so I kept him in underpants and it was the best decision. It really only took a couple of days and he was much more excited about the process than I thought he would be.

Hooray!!!!